Epic events should call forth epics. So far no one has written a saga of the Axe. But here are a couple of printable verses from "A Son of a Gamboller"

The first is to be sung as a chant with solos.

The other verse has, perhaps, more value for practical use:

Oh here's to Norman Horner
The Guardian of the Axe
He swore he'd keep it safe and sound.
--and other funny cracks.
And here's to California
Where the color of life is blue.
Now Stanford's got the Stanford axe
What will poor Berkeley do?

The Cal Bulletin, that sturdy pillar of San Francisco conservatism, takes the Unconscious Humor prize for the week's Axe coverage.

The last paragraph of a sensational story tells of California's frantic search.

And there was a little space left before the ads.

Thus:
Have you lost anything?
Use the Call Bulletin Want Ads
They Get Results!

Well, they might try it.

It should work as well anything else.